Thankful Thursday

Posted on by Kristen

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful. – Buddha

Gotta love that Buddha.

Lest you think I have fallen off of the gratitude wagon, be assured that I have not. It was starting to feel like a bit too much navel-gazing going on over here in blogland and I generously gave you all a break.  You are welcome.

I am going to consolidate all of my thankfulness into one post a week.  Maximum concentration of grateful goodness allowed by law.

So, without further ado, this week I am grateful for:

1) The fact that, although I am, and always will be, a solidly suburban girl, I am able to get myself into New York, back and forth in trains, cabs, and yes, even the subway (!) in order to manage a successful independent day in the city.  Yay, me!

2) Credit Cards. In the immortal words of Lily Allen: It doesn’t matter, ’cause I’m packing plastic, and that’s what makes my life, so f***ing fantastic.

3) Advances in cleaning technology that make it possible to clean an entire bathroom without ever touching a sponge with hair on it.  I still want my cleaning lady back, but in the absence of that option, minimal hair touching will have to do.

4) Beautiful weather. Somehow the absence of winter here in the Northeast made Spring sort of anticlimactic.  Now that it’s truly sunshine-y and verging on summer, I finally feel a change in seasons.  Which is why I live in the Northeast in the first place.

5) Kindle books. The immediate satisfaction of reading several chapters of a book in bed, before deciding that I want to read a different one…and maybe another one…is hard to beat.

6 (bonus)) Long weekends.  I don’t think that requires much explanation.

What are YOU thankful for this week?  Tell me…I crave comments :)

What I’m Not…

Posted on by Kristen

There are certain words I am cool with using to describe myself.

Brunette.

Mom.

Daughter.

Super awesome cool chick.

Domestic goddess.

Maybe writer.

But I don’t like using that D word.

I am not comfortable with describing myself in terms of what I am not.

No longer a child.

Never tall.

Not athletic.

No longer married.

Strangely, divorced is a label that you have to use on a fairly regular basis – if you are, I mean. YOU probably don’t have to.

I do.

Forms for everything under the sun include marital status. Although I am unclear on how whether I was ever married impacts my dental needs. Or vision.

I wish there was a more present-focused word for it.

I looked it up in the thesaurus (because that’s the sort of thing I do), and as you can see up above there, there is not a real alternative.  I kind of like breached.  But that sounds very personal and probably not something I’d be comfortable to say in public.

I’ve been breached.

See.  Not good.

I guess single works.

But single sounds like looking. And I’m not.  So totally not.

I need to embrace my inner divorcee.

See – that sounds WRONG, too. Divorcee sounds like I should be sitting around in a feather boa with a cocktail.  I don’t do that…much.  OK  - I don’t do that at all.

I blanked my relationship status out on Facebook.

It would be ideal if I could blank it out in life. My own don’t ask, don’t tell policy.

New Territory

Posted on by Kristen

The days are long, but the years are short. – Gretchen Rubin

Yesterday I took Sprout to the Rite Aid to get stuff to build acrylic nails. Not because she wanted long nails, but because she had cracked a nail on her “fret hand” and was worried about her ability to play guitar in her upcoming big show.

A girl-power type mission to fix an equipment problem, if you will.

However, while wandering about the beauty aisles searching for toxic nail-repair technology, she decided that maybe she needed a few other things.

I found her ruminating on the Maybelline mascara display. I could see the pre-teen wheels turning in her head as she turned her big green eyes to me and said, “Which kind should I get?”

Um, what?

My tomboy, sports-minded, musician girl – who barely wants to comb her hair – wants mascara?

My first thought was to talk her out of it. She has beautiful long lashes. And she’s 12.

But then I changed my thinking and looked at it as a teachable moment. Plus, a chance to put all of my years of cosmetics “research” to good use.

I figured, if I say no – she’ll probably turn into one of those kids who sneaks a bag full of makeup onto the bus and puts it on on the way to school.  Badly.

This would then devolve to her packing an entire bag of questionable clothing and terrifying footwear and getting a tramp stamp.

My baby…

So I guided her toward a couple of very natural-looking mascara options.  She picked one that we could both (sort of) live with and I started to move toward the check out.

And she moved toward the lipsticks.

Oy.

Again – I guided her toward something unobtrusive and natural-ish. Then I started to walk toward the check out, again.

And she moved toward foundations.

Good lord.

The child has perfect skin. She’s freaking adorable.

This time I said no. She doesn’t need that stuff.

And again…moving toward the cash register.

And she moves toward blush.

WTF.

I help her pick something I believe will barely be noticeable.

And she moves toward eye shadow.

And I cut her off.

Really.

Dude.

How much is a mother supposed to deal with in one day?? Plus, I need to save some money for expanding my lip gloss collection. Seriously.

When we got home I showed her how to put it all on. A tiny tiny bit of each thing. Just a smidge of mascara on just the tips of her lashes, lest they touch and bond with the lenses of her glasses.  A microscopic dab of cream blush, on her already pink and adorable cheeks. A swipe of color on her perfect mouth.

I admit she looked good.  Barely even different. Just slightly heightened.

But does a 12-year-old need that? No.

Want that? Apparently yes.

She is one of the youngest kids in her grade – so her friends are 13 and even 14. But still. I still sort of think of her as being about eight. Eight was so much less complicated.

Dirtier. But less complicated.

Today she skipped the mascara – apparently that’s for special occasions. But she did do a bit of lips and cheeks. All by herself.

My emotions on this are conflicted. I am troubled by how big she is getting, but excited about having something to share.  I might need some of the lip stuff I got for her :)

But it really isn’t about how I feel about it. Regardless of my thoughts on the subject, she’s not so much that lion child up there, and on her way to being a (gasp) young woman.

I’ll just have to make the best of it. Maybe she’ll let me do her hair next :)

Sick Days and the Return of Normal

Posted on by Kristen

Tater is home sick today.  His eyes hurt. (How awesome is that picture??)

I am unclear on whether this is the precursor to actual sickness, or some sort of headache, or code for “I need a mental health day.”

Regardless, he is home. Watching Phineas & Ferb (which is apparently more soothing to the eyes than you would expect) and making fart noises with some sort of orange putty.  I am sitting here reviewing strange articles in my Google Reader and worrying about how to remove orange putty from my carpet, and couch, and his hair.

I could make him go to school. I am the adult and all.

But he is generally very committed to going, so when he says he can’t, I have to believe it’s true.

This whole “lull in projects” thing is sort of like an extended sick day. No real urgency to get a lot of things done. Time to take a nap or exercise, or watch Mad Men during the day. That’s all good stuff.  But it is critical that I not enjoy it TOO much.

It’s temporary. I will be super busy any day now.

It is attractive to fill the days – create a whole new routine based around all of the things that need doing around the house, without the pesky intrusion of work.

Sign up for a class.

Start going to yoga every day.

Mow my own yard.

Being a non-working Mom starts to look like a pretty sweet deal.

But the reality is that that is SO not an option. And I probably wouldn’t like it in the long term anyway – and not just because I enjoy having a roof over my head and food in the fridge – and hate mowing the yard.

I need to act like this is NOT the new normal. And not settle in too much.

Next week I am going to learn new things. Update my website. Start to tweet – as me.

Tater will be back at school – eyes fully healed. Or mental health fully restored. Orange putty removed from his hair and the furniture.

I’ll be working – at the kitchen table – with my “assistant” (the dog) at my feet.

Back to “normal” – whatever that is.

May 17 – Gratitude Day 15

Posted on by Kristen

For some reason I kept thinking all day today that it was Friday. It is not. But tomorrow will be!

Today I am thankful for:

1) Lunch out with my friend – good to get out in the world and actually talk face-to-face with another adult.

2) Getting into a routine of exercising in the morning.

3) A new People magazine to read.

4) Tater’s school Art Show is tonight – always fun to see what he’s done (and how proud he is.)

5) Tomorrow is Friday. For real.

May 16 – Gratitude Day 14

Posted on by Kristen

Checking the mail is a small bright spot in my day. It is unclear why I enjoy it so much – Publisher’s Clearing House isn’t sending me a lot of checks. The daily haul is usually a few catalogs I can’t afford to look at and some bills I’d rather not pay. But I still like it.

Today I didn’t like it so much when I received a letter from the IRS saying that they didn’t receive ANY of the taxes I paid last year. They wanted me to send the entire amount by June 4.

Underemployment is NOT the time to get such a letter. 

Luckily, it turns out that the IRS is just hopelessly confused. Reassuring, right? They had applied ALL of my tax payments to my ex-husband’s taxes.  Because surely, when I sent them checks with my SSN on them, I meant to pay his taxes. I’m nice like that.

Today I am grateful for:

1) The fact that I do not, in fact, owe any additional taxes. The man I talked to said they would wave the fines since this was the first time I missed a payment. Um…thanks, but did you miss the part where I didn’t??

2) I rocked library inventory at the middle school today. They were impressed by my speed and grasp of the alphabet. Volunteer work is good for confidence.

3) Carry over from yesterday – my friend helped me figure out how I can learn Photoshop for significantly less than I originally thought.  Yay for learning.  Yay for cheapness.

4) Interview-ish conversation tomorrow with an agency I am interested in working with. Yay!

5) I believe I haven’t been grateful for my children in a few days. I HAVE been, but I haven’t mentioned it here.  So there, I did.

Ambivalent

Posted on by Kristen

My darling son wrote me a lovely letter for Mother’s Day.  I love that kid. (I love his sister, too – she made me a beautiful sculpture of a flower out of a bar of Ivory Soap).

The content of his letter was (and I apologize to him in advance if sharing this is inappropriate):

Dear Mom,

I love that you do so much for me. I will never forget you are my mom. You will always be very special to me. I love that you make me smile. I love that you can do anything I want great. You will always work hard to get money for food so I don’t starve. You give me money for toys and games I don’t need but want. You get me presents for my birthday and for Christmas. You never make me do chores or extra work that you have to do. You always make me happy no matter what. You are a very hard worker. You never want more than what you have. You don’t ever need better than what you have. You will never complain at unreasonable things. You laugh a lot all of the time. You are the best.

Love,

[Tater] (XOXO)

Don’t get me wrong – I love this letter.  I love that he can enumerate the things he loves about me.  And most of them I feel good about.

It’s good that he won’t ever forget I am his Mom (whew).

I am glad I make him smile and I am able to do anything he wants. I am glad he notices that I laugh a lot and believes that I will not let him starve.

But a few things in there give me pause. Because while I do want to be grateful for what I have – and I am, for the most part, content – the idea that I don’t want more or better than what I have, and that I never complain, makes me sound kind of doormat-ish. Which is certainly NOT what I want.

I do want more.  I do want better.  For them as well as for me.

I might need to bump up my display of ambition. It’s in there, but I apparently need to get it out into the open a bit more.

And I should probably get my kids to do some chores!

May 14 – Gratitude Day 13

Posted on by Kristen

I am redefining my “gap” as a lull in the dynamic flow of projects. It makes it seem less panic inducing, which seems like a plus.

Today I am grateful for:

1) Retroactively, I am thankful for a lovely Mother’s Day, which started with my kids returning home to “surprise” me with breakfast in bed (at 9:30 and not the initially planned 7:30 – for this I am doubly thankful!) and ended with dinner that they cooked in collaboration with my Dad. Nice day all around :)

2) The Apple Store. Sprout quite tragically dropped her iPod Touch and shattered the screen on Friday evening. I was fully prepared to purchase a replacement, but figured I’d give the Geniuses a shot at it. They didn’t fix it, but they did give me a replacement for less than half of the intial cost. After an easy refresh from my iTunes backup she’s back in business. Apple – I just love you.

3) No evening activities tonight. Yay!

4) Chipotle for lunch. Although I am guessing I ate enough guacamole for a small Mexican village, it was fabulous.

5) Overripe bananas that are banana bread bound.

Happy Monday – hope you have lots to be thankful for today!

May 10 – Gratitude Day 12

Posted on by Kristen

A turning point of a day, I think. I will not dwell on the negative, but my frustration with the job search process has led me to recommit to building my freelance social media management business. I feel good about the decision and have many potential projects to pursue. It feels more like forward progress than sitting around waiting for random HR people to call me.

Future – this is me coming after you :)

Today I am thankful for:

1) A morning spent in physical activities. Although my aging body complained most bitterly about it, I did yoga, took a walk, and helped weed the school garden.

2) An afternoon spent identifying project opportunities. Lots of interesting options – some of them HAVE to pan out, right?

3) Sprout’s idea to stop and pick up a pizza on the way home tonight.  Smart girl.

4) Despite the fact that it’s an impending every-other-weekend, I will only be truly kidless for one day. Yay!

5) My Barney purple nails. So amusing.

 

 

May 9 – Gratitude Day 11

Posted on by Kristen

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. – Frederick Keonig

Busy evening tonight – baseball and band practice, oh my. It’s a challenge to stay focused on being grateful while also focusing on making myself actually watch a baseball game. My sports ADD hits HARD this time of year. But I did manage to actually watch Tater get a hit (that was incorrectly called as a foul…grrr.) And now the gratitude.

Today I am grateful for:

1) The fact that I can be here in the morning when the kids leave for school and here when they get home. I know that’s something not everyone can do and I need to enjoy it while it’s still an option.

2) Follow-up note from someone I talked to last week about a job – her note was filled with exclamation points so hopefully that’s a good sign.

3) The way Tater says the word “vacation”. Instead of vay-cation – he says vuh-cation. Makes me smile every time. The little things.

4) It didn’t rain while I was sitting at baseball.

5) I remembered to buy a Mother’s Day card several days before Mother’s Day. Score!