I Need A Boyfriend

No.  No I really don’t.

And no, I’m not going to start dating. Possibly ever.

I am really very firmly in the “…like a fish needs a bicycle” mindset at the moment.  And probably for all foreseeable moments.

Boys, I love ya, but you just aren’t worth the effort at this moment.  I am SO not up for pretending I care about sports.  So not.

But there have been a handful of times when I have thought to myself, in the past 18 months in my man-free home, that it might have been handy to have one around.

So without further ado – my brief list of situations in which an adult male presence would be advantageous.

1) When bugs are present and require squashing.  I can do it.  I would rather not.

2) Every freaking Tuesday morning when the trash needs to be taken to the curb.

3) When things I want are up high.

4) When my children want to do something gross – like fishing.

5) When the dog throws up.  Or poops.  It would be super awesome if someone else would clean that (literal) shit up.

6) When the sink is VERY full of dishes.

7) When I want to grill something and the grill is very possibly full of wildlife and spiders.  (See #1)

8) When something heavier than my body weight requires lifting/pushing.

Hmmm…I was going to go to 10…but I ran out.

So there you go – 8 reasons to keep a man around the house.

I mean – if you LIKED him there would be lots more reasons certainly.  But as far as just the physical presence of a tall, bigger-than-me, bug-squashing capable guy – that’s pretty much all I can come up with.

Luckily – my son is about to become quite tall.  And I like him quite a bit.  So I will, I suppose, technically have a man I love around the house.  A man-shaped boy anyway.

If only he wasn’t more afraid of bugs than I am.

About Kristen

Me: Kristen, more than 40-something (don't make me face the number), suburban mom of 2, working girl, therapeutic writer, proprietor of an emptying nest Addictions: Iced Coffee, FOMO resulting in twitchy compulsion to check FB/Instagram/Pinterest in an unending loop, texting, hugging my one child while Snapchatting the other and yelling at my dog

9 Responses

  1. Uma

    haha! that was a good read :D and I think u have covered all the important points.. i want my guy to do all that listed above :P

  2. John

    I am tall and am not afraid of bugs.
    That’s two reasons women would want me around.
    Given some research time, I’m sure I could come up with three or four more!

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