I am looking at job listings (again…always) and coming to the conclusion that what I really really want is to be on a reality show.

Mostly I want to just be paid for living my regular life.

The parts of my regular life that don’t involve going to a real job anyway.

Given clothes to wear just because I am just that fabulous. Maybe some loaner jewels – nothing too crazy, just a million or so bucks worth.

I’m no diva.

Being paid to attend events because having me there makes it just that much more exciting would be cool.

Of course I am not all that fabulous, and I don’t like attending events.  I also can’t stand what I look like on video, so that’s a tiny little complication.

But me getting a cup of coffee HAS to be just as exciting as seeing any star walking out of a Starbucks.  I’m JUST LIKE YOU!

Of course I am probably a little TOO much like everyone else to deserve a camera crew and any dedicated air time.

I only have two kids.  And no burning need to preach about it.

I have all of my teeth and no confounding accent.

I don’t know how to build anything.

I can’t eat anything that would make me gaggy.  Or meat. Or mushrooms. Or…

My kids are pretty normal too.

I can’t sing.  Not in public anyway.

I don’t have a horrific parasite (How is that even a thing that gets you on TV? HOW?)

I fear that – along with my (not really) dreams of being a fashion model and a child prodigy – my hopes of being a reality star are destined to go unfulfilled.

Unless they want to do a show about someone who sleeps late, spends a lot of time playing with her phone, and can’t train her one tiny dog – then I am totally set.

You’d watch that, right?