I just went on my first vacation trip with the new BF. It was fabulous and fun, but there were a few hitches – all of them based on my desire to be low maintenance despite the fact that I apparently am incapable of doing so.
The first foreshadowing of trouble came when he picked up my bag and noted that it was quite a bit lighter than his. I patted myself on the back for being such an efficient packer.
Then we arrived at our first destination and I realized that it is cold in the north (duh), and I had packed literally not a single thing with sleeves. Oops.
Determined to make the best of it, I squared my shoulders against the chill, grabbed my little travel shoulder bag and off we went to dinner. Immediately upon sitting down I realized that my tiny bag did not contain my reading glasses, so I was incapable of reading the menu. Oops #2.
The trip continued along these lines. I didn’t have room in the bag for the bottle of water I needed because I was thirsty. My shoes were rubbing my foot because I only packed two pairs of socks. Still no sleeves.
I am a royal pain in the a** apparently, especially when I am trying super hard not to be.
This led me to think of all of the ways in which I am NOT low maintenance.
Now I am not sure I want to hang out with me, that chick is a diva.
20 Clues that No Matter How Hard I Try I Cannot Be a Low Maintenance Traveler (because I love a good list):
- I make the list to pack from, but then don’t look at it while actually packing. Thus, no sleeves. Or no socks. Or no underwear.
- I have a comfort range of about 10 degrees, otherwise I am either sweaty and grumpy or freezing and grumpy.
- I am a vegetarian, but it’s fine, we can eat anywhere, I can always find something on the menu. Don’t worry about me.
- Oh yeah, no tofu. Or mushrooms, or onions, or peppers.
- Can I have some more ice in this drink?
- My hair.
- This bed is too soft. And my porridge is too hot.
- I can’t see without my glasses.
- I’m thirsty.
- Where’s the bathroom?
- No WIFI? WTF?
- No sense of direction whatsoever. Like, none.
- No comprehension of public transportation.
- If I walk too slowly my back hurts. If I walk too quickly my feet hurt.
- My navigational usefulness is limited by the 30 seconds that I can read in a moving car before I am going to throw up on you.
- So many toiletries.
- I can’t be outside in the sun for more than 15 minutes before some random part of me will start burning.
- I left my guidebook at home.
- The list of places we wanted to see? That’s on my phone, back in the hotel.
- Voted most likely to trip on a cobblestone.
You totally want to go on a trip with me now, don’t you?
Let me know when you want to leave. I’m game for anything, totally go with the flow.