This Could Be a Problem

push upsI think my arms are shrinking.

Not in a “my what slender arms you have” sort of way.  More in a “you are beginning to resemble a T-Rex” sort of way.

But without the pointy teeth.

Thank goodness.

The freakish proportions of my upper appendages first came to my attention in yoga class a few years ago.

“Lunge forward…put your hands on either side of your front foot…and arch your back to the sky,” said the instructor.

Lunge forward. Hands to the floor. Um…my chest was squashed flat to my thigh and there was nowhere to arch to.

Which was a relief actually, since in addition to the stubby arms I also have a back that doesn’t arch.

I’m a catch, I tell ya.

So my entire arm is the length of my lower leg.  Is that normal?

(The crowd murmurs…Um…yeah…I’m sure that’s completely normal...while they think silently…Dude. Those are some short arms.)

Another example of the issue – again yoga related.

“Sit with your legs crossed. Put your hands on the floor on either side of your hips and LIFT YOURSELF OFF THE GROUND by pushing down.”

Again.  Sit. Hands on floor. And…that’s it.  There’s no extra arm to lift with…nowhere to go.  Grounded.

So I just figured my future in yoga was limited to things that don’t involve normally-proportioned limbs. Disappointing, but not a huge issue.

And then the light switch in my room started moving.

I mean, it HAS to be moving…creeping across the wall away from my bed. Because it is getting harder and harder to reeeeaaaaaccchhhh way over there and turn the light off at night.

It used to be not that big of a deal.  A little stretch and click.

Then it started to feel stretchier.

I literally checked to make sure the bed hadn’t moved. No, I don’t know who would have snuck into my room and moved my bed to the left 3 inches.  But if someone HAD I would NOT have appreciated it.

Alas…the bed seems to still be in the same spot.

So…the extra reaching…seems to be arm related.

I keep stretching over there…stretching and stretching…I’m going to hurt myself one of these days. Fall to the floor and be forced to lift myself back up with inadequate arms.  If you don’t hear from me for a few days, check under the bed.

Is this something that happens with age?

I get that your nose and earlobes apparently get longer. Things…um…aren’t as perky as perhaps they once were.

But limb shrinkage wasn’t on ANY of the lists I’ve ever read.

Luckily, I think I have a solution to this problem.  And it doesn’t involve moving the bed.

About Kristen

Me: Kristen, more than 40-something (don't make me face the number), suburban mom of 2, working girl, therapeutic writer, proprietor of an emptying nest Addictions: Iced Coffee, FOMO resulting in twitchy compulsion to check FB/Instagram/Pinterest in an unending loop, texting, hugging my one child while Snapchatting the other and yelling at my dog

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