Some people are exhilarated by danger. It energizes them. Pushes them on to bigger and better things.
These are the people who go to Haunted Houses and horror movies.
I am not one of those people.
Me? I just get scared. Immobilized.
I know I am supposed to be all brave and girl power and strong and Wonder Woman-y. But sometimes I am just – scared.
Things I am currently I am scared of include:
- Being dependent on others – that would be soteriophobia
- Failure – atychiphobia
- Heights (always afraid of those) – acrophobia
- Moving or making changes – tropophobia
- Growing old – gerontophobia
- Poverty – peniaphobia (which sounds dirty, but isn’t)
- Weakness – asthenophobia
I am not truly afraid of these things to phobia level. But I worry about them.
They do not currently feel as un-scary as I would like them to feel. I miss the days of having some sense of what the future is supposed to hold. It feels so wide open…like a cliff I am going to fall off of.
Maybe I need to add some sort of philosophical agoraphobia (that would be fear of open spaces) to my list.
I’d like to wear my cloak of bravery and swagger about talking trash about how awesome I am and how undamaged I am and how FINE everything is. But as much as things are currently fine (and they really are – don’t YOU start getting scared) – I don’t feel a tremendous amount of confidence that the other shoe isn’t about to drop making all that fineness crumble in a tiny pile of rubble.
Scared of shoes. There’s definitely something not right about THAT!
The problem isn’t really the fear itself – but the fact that I am not comfortable with living in it.
Maybe it is true that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Fearaphobia. Yeah, that’s what I have.
I wish I could harness all that nervous fear energy and channel it into something amazing. But how does that work exactly?
How do you get comfortable with fear and make it work for you instead of against you? I really would like to know.