I admit it. I am a tiny bit competitive.
Not in a sports sense. No, not at all in that sense.
But in a I want to kick ass at everything I do sort of way – yes.
There are times when I suck at things…don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to brag (but feel free to heap praise upon me – I love that.)
But my general tendency is to want to do things right. Or at least as right as I can.
One of my many many issues with my evolution into a newly minted divorcee is that I have no idea how to do it right. I want to be the best at getting divorced. Even though I kind of want nothing to do with getting divorced. Hear me?
But the dilemma is – what are the guidelines? How much strength implies indifference? How much cooperation implies doormat status? Where is the line between sticking up for yourself and being an insufferable shrew? How much are you allowed to whine about how UNFAIR and AWFUL it all is before people start setting up those fake “emergency” calls to get out of talking to you?
So I have decided to take the proverbial bull by the horns and build a rubric that defines what the parameters are for success.
(Do you know what a rubric is? I didn’t until I had two kids go through elementary school – where they use the term freely and without definition. Luckily, they said it enough times and showed examples- so now I do- and now you will. So not only do I kick ASS at the divorce thing, I am also an excellent source of information.)
What would you add? What does a “good divorce” look like? I’d love to know.
Oh dear cousin. I can’t believe that you created a checklist for a successful divorce. Love you for it!
I have no experience in that arena so I don’t dare give much advice. What I have witnessed in friends successful divorces is a harmonious relationship with the ex for the benefit of the children. The term these days is “co-parenting”. Not at all easy but amazing when it’s done well.
Also, don’t deny yourself the need to release via crying and don’t always hide it from the kids. It’s not good for them to always see mommy upset but they will know if you hold it all in and you will be miserable.
As for the getting out of bed part…I get it. Drag that ass out no matter how hard it is and venture into the world. There is still a lot to see and experience and gifts to receive.
if you don’t want to be divorced, why don’t you try to work it out with your soon-to-be ex.
What a brilliant idea Nunya…you are a little late to the party…we tried that..he didn’t want to try that. I don’t want him to be someone I need to be getting divorced from. But he is. So I am.
I love it. Wish I had had it back in my “newly divorced” days! Haha! But in all seriousness, there are no rules. Therefore there is nothing for anyone to judge you on. Just keep the kids your number one priority, do “you” the best you can, and reach out for advice from those of us who have gone before you and reached the other side fairly successfully. ♥