Fast forward, please?

I admit it – I am an impatient person.

If the book I am reading keeps moving along, I can keep going for thousands of pages.  But if the plot slows, or stops making any sense – I am one unhappy camper.

I am the kind of person who will skip to the end of the story in frustration.  Just so that I know where on earth the whole thing is headed.  Once I have a line of sight to the end, I can go back and slog through to figure out how it all works out.

I have been known to skip over entire chapters that don’t contribute to the plot.

At this moment in life I find myself stuck in the middle of one huge morass of expository bullsh*t that doesn’t make one tiny bit of sense and it is frustrating the heck out of me.

For those who don’t know me and my story – I am mid-divorce.  And what a yucky middle place that is.

This bizarre plot line finds me with hip-waders on as I attempt to walk serenely through rushing water (holding my kids on my shoulders) with my eyes focused straight ahead on the other side, where there are flowers and fresh air.  The journey is filled with strange characters – therapists and lawyers and mediators.  Paperwork that seems like it could not possibly apply to my life is coming at me on a regular basis.  Affidavits and stipulations.  I am a plaintiff.

This is not quite how I anticipated the story of my life unfolding.  This is one doozy of a plot twist and I am getting hugely impatient to see how all of the loose ends get tied up at the end.

If my life were a book, this is about the point where I would be madly flipping pages to find the part where it all starts to wrap up.  I would voraciously read the details of the ending. How it all works out for the best.  Why this made sense.  What revelations lay on the other side of the unexpected twists and turns.

Once I knew how it all turned out, I would smile to myself (since I am really quite sure it is ultimately a happy ending) and then flip back to where we are now.  I might skip a few pages…ideally the ones where people send me bills and I send them all of my money.

Then I could resume the slog through the details and watch how they all come together in a neat little package.

Of course life isn’t like a book.  Nor, unfortunately, like a box of chocolates.  Although I agree you don’t know what you are going to get…there aren’t a lot of chocolates that are going to jump up and wrench your heart out (thank goodness!)

So I, like everyone else, have to take it one step and a time.  One bizarre, surreal, not-sure-where-this-is-headed step after another.

But I am REALLY ready for an amazing ending any time now.

About Kristen

Me: Kristen, more than 40-something (don't make me face the number), suburban mom of 2, working girl, therapeutic writer, proprietor of an emptying nest Addictions: Iced Coffee, FOMO resulting in twitchy compulsion to check FB/Instagram/Pinterest in an unending loop, texting, hugging my one child while Snapchatting the other and yelling at my dog

9 Responses

  1. Gman

    Bon courage, I guess is the term. You certainly deserve an amazing ending. The whole Big D thing really sucks if you still think you have anything meaningful to say to your erstwhile. My ex and I were separated for a good 8-9 mos when I looked at her on one of our occasional social rendezvous and realized I had absolutely nothing to say to her anymore. So by the time the papers were signed I was just more relived it was over than sad or regretful. But there were no kids or meaningful assets involved so maybe that made it easier to just cut the cord.

  2. I understand what you mean – often in a bad situation, I just want it to be over, even if it’s not the outcome I hoped for. Closure.

    I am wishing you closure.

      1. Awww…I love you guys, too!


        Here’s the thing that I wish I had known mid-divorce: The people who cheerily tell you “Well, it can only get better!” deserve a punch in the neck. I think I listened to that — and believed it. Then, when it got worse, and worse some more — I felt even worse!

        …and it sucks to feel worse that your worst.

        But I think this is true of anyone who goes through a surprising change like a divorce — especially in the case of being blindsided as I was. There’s no preparation, and for those of us who are a little Type A, that’s hard to swallow.

        So my only advice: Don’t listen to the advice. Take it as it comes, hug your kids, laugh when you can, and know that in the end, you’ll probably have fodder for a really great story. And for us writers, that’s almost enough!

        Hang in there, Kristen. You have tons of support!

      2. Kristen

        It really does suck to feel worse than your worst – well said :)

        Definitely taking notes…this will make a great story someday when I can tell it without going all psychotic in the middle.

        Thanks so so so much for your comment – made my day!

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