Sometimes there are situations in life for which it is impossible to find the right words. Deaths come to mind. Seems there is no right thing to say, no way to capture in words what you want to convey to the mourning parties. You hurt for them, you want to help them hurt less, you are sad, but not as sad as they are.
No right words.
This is one of those times.
My husband is leaving.
We are separating.
But those words are all wrong. They are only about location, proximity. As if a change of address card would cover all of the necessary communication. But no, it’s way bigger than that.
He doesn’t want to live with me.
Living with me doesn’t make him happy.
Still seems sort of location based, like the issue is the furnishings or the neighborhood.
He doesn’t love me anymore.
That just makes me sad. It might be more accurate, but I don’t want to use those words.
I am sad.
I am angry.
I am profoundly disappointed.
All too one-dimensional. More like sad AND angry AND disappointed.
Not throwing glassware around angry. Not crawling into bed and never coming out sad.
Actually probably about that angry and about that sad, but with enough self-preservation to know those aren’t the right moves to manage the situation.
Disenchanted? Too fairy tale.
Crestfallen? Too pathetic.
Thwarted? Too villainous.
There need to be different words. Sangry? Angripointed?
I accept what is happening.
No. Accept is too passive. To, well, accepting.
I understand why this needs to happen.
No. Understanding would be an overstatement. It makes no sense to me. None.
I comprehend that there are reasons.
Sort of sucks all of the emotion out of things. Comprehend. I comprehend it. Without accepting it. Without understanding it.
Sorta. I guess.
I am fine.
I am doing OK.
I am holding up well.
Again, sorta. I am on many levels fine. I will be fine. We will be fine.
Life goes on. Almost the same great life I was already living. Thought he was living, too.
Amazing kids. Cuddly dogs. Incredible friends. Overwhelming love and support from my family. Good job prospects on the horizon.
Love, health, happiness – I have it all. It’s all good. I am a lucky girl.
Except that whole “separation” thing. That whole “probable end of my marriage” wrinkle. That part is fairly sucky.
Very appropriate word. I guess that’s the winner.
This is very sucky.